If some one wants to write a love letter to his girl friend -likho script apna apna (Rotomac)

Boy going on bike with neighbor's girl - Neighbors envy owner's pride-(Onida)

If you love someone - Go get it (visa power)

Want to propose to a girl - Just do it.(Nike)

For those lost in love - Har shaam ka sathi main aur mera Bagpiper

Before going to propose to a girl - Believe in the best (BPL)

If your girl asks you which dress to wear - Kuch nahi (Pears)

If you are hesitating before proposing to a girl - Vicks ki goli lo kich kich door karo(Vicks)

Not satisfied with your dates - Yeh dil mangey more (Pepsi)

Scared while proposing to a girl - Piyo glass full dudh (Operation flood)

If you are going to propose to a girl, chances are - 50-50(Britannia)

Those who succeed in love always say - We dream because we do (Daewoo)

A guy having a number of girl friends - Complete Man (Raymonds)

A smart girl having a number of boyfriends - yeh hai hamara suraksa chakra (Colgate)

If a girl slapped you when you proposed to her - Take it easy(Limca)

If you get married to a girl of your mother's choice - Jiyo merey Lal (Brook Bond)

DO YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE LOVE CAKE?

Ingredients;

2 laughing eyes

2 loving arms

2 well-shaped legs

2 firm milk containers

2 large nuts

1 large banana

1 fur-lined mixing bowl

Method:

1. look into laughing eyes and fold in loving arms.

2. spread well shaped legs

3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently until fur-lined mixing bowl is well greased, check frequently with middle finger.

4.Add banana

5.Work in and out until creamed

6.cover the nuts

7.Squeeze genrously with whipped cream.

8.Cake is done when banana is soft.

NOTE:

1.Be sure to wash mixing utensils

2.Shake well after & before use

3.Don't lick the bowl after creamed.

WARNING...........

If cake rises, leave town immediately.

There was this virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. So, the grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.

"He is going to try to feel your breast, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that. "He is going to try to put his hand between your legs, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.

"But most important, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that, it will disgrace the family."

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.

The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just like she said. "But, she said, "Grandmother I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried I turned over, got on top of him and disgraced his family!"

He : Aye kya bolti tu?

She: Aye kya main bolun?

He : Sun

She: Suna

He : Kholti kya tera bra

She: Kya karun kholke main meri bra?

He : dabayenge, katenge, choosenge, chatenge, luv karenge aur kya ?

"Darling," she whispered after they had finished making love,

"Will you still make love like that to me after we're married ?"

He considered this for a moment, and then replied, "I think so. I've always been especially fond of married women."

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone handwritten the word 'penis' in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face.Finding none, she quickly erased it,and began her class.The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' again on the black board.

Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same word written on the board, each day's word, larger than the previous day's word.

Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words, "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"

GOOD * BAD * WORSE

Bad: You can't find your vibrator. Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.

Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room. Worse: You're in it.

Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other.

Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser. Worse: He looks better than you.

Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism. Worse: As a sacrifice.

Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer.

Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: For another woman.

Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: To enter a convent.

Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting. Worse: She implicates you.

Good: Hot outdoor sex. Bad: You're arrested. Worse: By your husband.

Good: The postman's early. Bad: He's wearing camos and has an AK-47.

Good: The secretary said "yes." Bad: Your wife says "no."

Good: The teacher likes your son. Bad: Sexually. Worse: He's gay.

Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: So did the postman.

Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: Your wife walks in.

Good: You get a three-day weekend. Bad: You get the flu on Friday.

Good: You get tickets to the theatre. Bad: It's performance art.

Good: You go to see a strip show. Bad: Your daughter's the headliner.

Good: Your boyfriend's exercising. Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.

Good: Your car conveniently "runs out of gas." Bad: For real.

Good: Your child's "waiting for Mr. Right". Bad: Your son, that is.

Good: Your daughter's on the Pill. Bad: She's eleven.

Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude. Bad: He weighs 350 pounds.

Good: Your son's doing extra credit work. Bad: Making a sex ed video.

Good: Your uncle leaves you a fortune. Bad: It's counterfeit.

Good: Your wife bought a porn video. Bad: Your daughter's the star.

Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex. Bad: You live downtown.

Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude. Bad: She's coming home.

Good: Your wife's kinky. Bad: With the neighbors. Worse: All of them.

Finance guys special.............

The only thing the Indian Taxation department has not yet taxed is your Ding-Dong. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up and 10% of the time it is in a hole. On top of this it has two dependants and they are both nuts.Therefore from April 1996 your Ding-Dong will be taxed according to its size.

To determine your category, please insert this information on part II, Sec 7, line 4 of your standard tax form.

PS.

Any one under 4" is eligible for a refund.

Any one exceeding 12" must file under "CAPITAL GAINS"

NOTICE

Reg: Voluntary disclosure of Assets for all Female Tax Payers. The Minstry of Finance has so far not covered under the purview of tax the GLOBAL ASSETS of women tax payers. Such assets invariably attracted male tax payers to hide their income "Projection into Female Vaults" So far the Government has not ventured to unearth such assets because 60% of the time they are concealed, 20% of the time Hard Pressed, 15% of the time Squeezed and 5% of the time sucked.
It also lets a lot of "CLEAVAGE" betweent the "Global Assets" The government therefore instead of enforcing a search on such assets has come out with a scheme to attract women for " Voluntary Disclosure" of their global assets

PS.

Sizes under 30" will be eligible for a "Development Rebate" whereas sizes above 39" will fall under "Wealth Tax " Married women whose assets are shared by their spouses will be entitled to a concession of 20% on the above rates as"Wear and Tear allowance" All cases of violation of global assets disclosure rule will be handled "Firmly"

Sachin Tendulkar and Vinod Kambli have been very close friends since childhood. They used to do all things together, like, both started going to school together, both passed their SSC exams together (with identical marks), both started playing cricket together, both were selected to the Bombay Ranji cricket team together,both went to college together, and both ended up joining the Indian cricket team together.Finally, both got engaged (to different girls) together and both decided to get married on the same day.

After that, both their wives get pregnant on the same day and the doctor gives the same delivery date for both. On the delivery date, Kambli's wife gives birth to a boy while Sachin's wife gives birth to twins!

Kambli gets confused. He goes to Sachin and says, "How come? We have been doing the same things all our life. How come I get a son and you get twins?"

When Sachin replies, "Boost is the secret of my energy",

Kapil appears from behind them and adds, "Our energy".

A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it.

An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him toknock so loudly. The passerby asks, "Who's in your upstairs room?"

The elderly man replies, "I can't see how it's any of your business. Since, you must know, my daughter and intended son-in-law are upstairs."

The passerby hands him the used condom and says, "Well, I just wanted you to know that your intended grandchild fell out the window!"