When a bachelor marries, his wife has three qualities - she is an economist in the kitchen, an aristocrat in the living room and a devil in bed.

After a few years, sure enough the three qualities remain, but not in the same order - she is an aristocrat in the kitchen, a devil in the living room and an economist in bed.

This was in 1988 during Rajiv Gandhi and Zial Haq days.Once when RG went to Pakistan on a state visit , ZH showed him thestate of the art telephone system of Pakistan. RG even made a to hell and spoke to his mother Indira Gandhi for about 10 minutes. The bill came to just 1 pakistani rupee. RG was highly impressed by Pakistan's telephone system and after coming back to India ordered the ministry of communications to come up with equally good system in record time so that he too can show it to ZH when he makes a return visit to India after a couple of months.

Indeed when ZH came to India , RG showed him the telephone system. ZH spoke to Bhutto in hell for about 10 minutes. The bill came to 300 indian rupees. ZH made a sarcastic remark about the cost of the call to hell being so expensive . RG was furious and wanted know why the call to hell was so expensive. The engineers immediately came up with the reason.

A call to hell from India is a long distance call,but from Pakistan its a local call only.

A break up letter

Roses are red

Violets are blue

The bull dog next door

Reminds me of you!!!

A fellow was telling his friend: "This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off.After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to go pee."

A man and his wife were on their honey moon. The husband took off his pants and handed them to his wife. He said, "see if they fit." Of course she said the didn't, so he replied, "now you see who will wear the pants in this house."

She thought a little while, and took off her panties and asked him to try them on. He said, "I can't get into these."

So she said, "and you won't with that attitude."

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly (Part Two)

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there
Ugly: You're in them

Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He's a cross dresser
Ugly: He looks better than you

Good: Your son's finally maturing
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you

Good: Your having sex
Bad: The dog came in the room and licked your butt
Ugly: You liked it

Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Ugly: With corrections

Good: Your wife's not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Ugly: She's a lawyer

Good: The postman's early
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas

During the 1971 Indo-Pak war, the Paki Air Marshall Yaya Khan was trying to train a novice Paki pilot. He took the novice to the fighter plane and said

"Do you see this red button?"

'Yes sir' replied the novice'

'Ok' Said Yaya, 'to start the engine, you have to press it.' 'Now do you see this green button?'

'Yes sir' replied the novice.

'Pressing the green button makes the plane fly'

'Ok sir' said the novice

'but how do I bring the plane down?' Pat came the reply

'Don't worry, the Indian air force will take care of that!'

There was this guy who stopped off for a beer. However, just as the bartender put the beer on the bar, there was a loud disturbance outside. The guy ran out to see what was going on but soon went back to drink his beer.

When he got back he found his glass empty and a note saying "Thanks for the beer!" He was a little ticked-off but ordered another beer anyway.

Again, just as the bartender put the beer down a loud crash was heard in the street. Thinking that someone ran into his parked car, the guy runs outside to check on things. Seeing that his car was okay he returned to the bar and again found his glass empty and another note that said "Thanks again, this was as good as the first one."

Well, the guy still hadn't had a beer to quench his thirst, so he ordered another. Just as the bartender put the beer down, a series of shots were heard outside. This time the guy wasn't going to lose his beer to anybody. So he spit into the beer and left a note saying "Enjoy, I just spit into the beer". He then ran outside to see what had happened.

When he returned he was delighted to find that his beer was just where he left it. However this time the note said "You enjoy, I spit in it too!"

The butcher lived in an apartment over his shop. One night, he was awakened by strange noises coming from below. He tiptoed downstairs and quietly observed that his 19-year-old daughter was sitting on the chopping block and masturbating with a liverwurst. He sighed and tiptoed back to bed.

The next morning, a customer cam in and asked for some liverwurst. The butcher explained that he didn't have any. The customer was annoyed. He pointed and said, "No liverwurst, eh? Well, what's that hanging on the hook right over there?"

The butcher frowned at him and replied, "That, sir, is my son-in-law."

There are nine very important men in a woman's life. They are:

Her Doctor; he says, "Take your clothes off."

Her Dentist; he says, "Open wide."

Her Veterinarian; he says, "And how is your little pussy doing today?"

Her Gardener; he says, "Do you want me to mulch your bush?"

Her Hairdresser; he says, "Do you want it teased or blown?"

Her Interior Decorator; he says, "You'll like it once it's in."

Her Remodeler; he says, "It fits tongue-in-groove with a little hammering."

Her Milkman; he says, "Do you want it in front or in back?"

Her Banker; he says, "If you take it out, you'll lose interest."