A man walks into a bar, sits down and drinks a beer. Then he drinks another beer, and another and... soon he needs to take a leak. He's standing at the urinal in the men's room, when he looks over and notices three black men standing at the other urinals. He notices that the one in the middle has a white cock. He zips up and, still a bit confused, goes back to the bar. He orders another brewsky and mentions to the bartender, "I was in the men's room and noticed three black men in there. I swear the one in the middle had a white cock!

The bartender says, pointing, "You mean those three guys at that table over there?"

"Yes", the man says, "They're the ones."

"Well," replies the bartender, "Those guys aren't black. They're coal miners. The one in the middle must have gone home for lunch."

LIST OF POSSIBLE SLOGANS PROMOTING NATIONAL CONDOM WEEK

Cover your stump before you hump.

Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.

Don't be silly, protect your willy.

When in doubt, shroud your spout.

Don't be a loner, cover your boner.

You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong.

If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it.

If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.

If you slip between her thighs, condomize.

It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.

She won't get sick, if you wrap your dick.

If you go into heat, package your meat.

While your undressing venus, dress up your penis.

When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse.

Especially in December, gift wrap your member.

Never ever deck her, with an unwrapped pecker.

Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.

The right selection, is to protect your erection.

Wrap it in foil, before checking her oil.

If you really love her, wear a cover.

Don't make a mistake, cover your snake.

Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener.

If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket.

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he has paid for them, he starts laughing and walks out. The next day, the same performance, with the man walking out laughing fit to bust. The chemist thinks this odd and asks his assistant, that if the man returns, to follow him. Sure enough, he comes into the store the next day, repeating his actions once more.

The assistant duly follows. Half an hour later, he returns."So did you follow him?"

"I did."

"And...where did he go?"

"Over to your house..."

A man was carrying 2 babies, one in each arm while waiting for a train. Along came this woman seeing the 2 cute babies started asking the man:

" Aren't they cute, what is their names? "

The man giving the lady an angry look replied 'I don't know".

The lady asked again: '"which is a boy and which is a girl"

The man looking angrier than before replied "I don't know " .

The woman then started to scold the man: "What kind of a father are you ? "

The man replied "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are 2 complaints that I am taking back to my company!".

A fellow is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products.

At the first stop, he's shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud hiss-pop] noise. "The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is a needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."

Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a noise 'Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop"

"Wait a minute" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop' every so often?" "Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. "It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."

"Well, that can't be good for the condoms"

"Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business"

A man walks into a tatoo parlor one day and asks the girl working there if she can tatoo a thousand dollar bill on his penis.

"sure I can" said the girl,"but why on earth would you want to do that?".

"Well," the man said, "there are actually three reasons why I want this tatoo".

"Can you tell me?" said the girl

"Well, the first reason is that I like to watch my money grow, the second is that I like to play with my money, and the third is I want to see how long it takes my wife to blow a thousand dollars"

The Little Girl and HIS Bird

Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl cam up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?" "A bird," the guy replied. The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep.

When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here."

Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her "What did you do to that naked fellow?" After a little pause, the girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire."

He was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful, and said that he'd see if he could come up with something, and asked him to come back in a week.

A week later King Arthur was back in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt... except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. "This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed, "Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?"

"Ah, sire, just observe." said Merlin as he searched his cluttered work bench until he found what he was looking for. He then selected his most worn-out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.

"Merlin, you are a genius!" said the greatful monarch, "Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected."After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection. Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.

"Sir Galahad", exclaimed King Arthur, "The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!"

But Sir Galahad was speechless.

A little boy happened to see his parents in their bedroom having sex.The next day he says, "Mummy, why were you sitting on Daddy bouncing up and down?"

"Well, honey, that's because I am trying to help your Daddy flatten his stomach."

"I don't know why you bother, because every time you leave for work, the maid just blows him back up."

There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finaly the Indian said, "In my family we normaly solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, whomever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"